the only two things that poke at the bubble of excitement that grows bigger with each day i get closer to GOING TO LONDON are
1) I’m afraid I don’t have enough money (goddamn dollar to pound is shit)
2) I haven’t been following current events for over a month because too many good things have been happening and I’ve been too happy to just sit and read al jazeera and watch sad videos that all present yet another reason why the world is going to shit with each passing day SO I’m very uninformed and didn’t even know bowt egypt until YESTERDAY so now when im in london and some qt asks me where I think turkey is headed i’ll have nothing to shit out but “lol i dunno muh pl8(plate—that was a good one)?” and I’ll get zero penis of the british variety and b sad :(
I don’t want to jinx it, but I am not getting hangovers! so good so good
i wrote a really long poem for class it’s so long that i had to single space it and put it in columns and narrow the margins so it would all fit on one page and i sometimes like it but i mostly hate it i hate poetry i cant write poetry i suck at it im just too literal like an autist but i dont get to have that excuse and diggy just bumped his head on my chair omg i love him so much.
diggy u da fkkin best.
and im going to london
sometimes my apartment doesn’t seem that big to me.
actually, yesterday was so beautiful that i bought myself a king cone and i NEVER buy ice cream because i usually hate it in most situations. ive also been listening to a lot of lana recently. i don’t know whats going on. im going to london though. so thats happening. i just need to be away and alone for a long time and in somewhere different, though im afraid london will be too similar to new york. i shouldve gone to argentina, or brazil, well no not brazil… absoluteness not.
i was dying to go to madrid but dem yoots are in riot mode and im so obviously american that ill probably get blowned-ed up. oorrrr, i could go and meet a spanish rebel named arturo with whom id fall in love and move to madrid to be with but then he’d say “no, mee-kai-e-lah, i doo noth lofe eyu, i lofe a-nothere.” and i will cry “whoo arturo? QUIEN???” and it will proabaly be some whore named sofia.
i ate so much raisin bran yesterday im still full and my belly is huge but im hungry and i need to eat something but my stomach is so big i dont want it to get bigger ahhhhh. this must be what fat people go through everyday. i need 2 gym. a planet fitness is opening up rightaccrossthestreet. there couldnt be a more obvious way for the universe to tell me i need 2 start lift. i have so many fucking essays to write but all i wanna do is poop out this cereal and go shopping waaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh
what the fuck am i going to do after graduation
i’ve unintentionally gotten into a bedtime routine over the past few months. it involves washing my face, changing into mah jam jams, wrapping my hair (cuz im blaq) and watching seinfeld at 11 until I fall asleep. i’ve become an old lady and i haven’t even moved out yet.
it’s been only a month and my hair looks fucking fantastic though. i can’t wait for london. fucking christ i can’t waaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiit. But i’ve hated planes since a flight riddled with turbulence traumatized me on my last trip to pr six years ago. I was fine with planes before, but that flight did me in. how the crack am i going to handle hovering over a fucking ocean for eight hours? either antipsychs or a brownie. i haven’t decided yet. but its either that or a humungo bill from all the jack i order on the flight. i have no meditation skills, so goddammit i will be smacked.
I only remember how much I need intimacy when I get it for a couple of minutes and then it’s immedietly taken from me. Goddammit ineed2fk
ermergad london this summah!!!!!!!
(well, potentially. all i did was turn in mah application BUT MAYBE IT WILL STILL HAPPEN I HOPE IT DOES BECAUSE ALL I WANT IS TO BE ALONE IN ANOTHER COUNTRY WITH ONLY MYSELF AND MY THOUGHTS AND THEN GET SOME BRITISH DICK 2)
People loooooooooove to romanticize their perceived uniqueness. It’s so silly. It’s nice to think that you’re a special snowflake with thoughts and impulses like nobody else, but you don’t. We’re all much more alike than we’d like. likelikelikelikelikelikelike. Our thoughts are the same, maybe the languages differ.
It’s like I’m still in middle school with all this bitchin.
i only like “everythings embarrassing because it reminds me of when my mom would listen to music in the living room at the old apartment and dance and i would just watch because i knew something peaceful was happening and i shouldn’t walk in and disturb it
oh no. dealer is hot. oh no no nononononononono i need to not slut it up this time i cant this time nonononononono
It’s getting really hard for me to know if I’m just a miserable cunt who hates everything and everyone because it seems everyone else is so much happier than i, or if everything going on around me is as stupid and shallow as I think. I’m a fucking loser. I will forever be thirteen. This is fucking ridiculous.
today at my job an italian guy asked if i could take a picture with him.
"at this store we cahn tayke pikchurs with thee models rite?"
"yeah but they’ve all gone home now because we’re closed"
"oh ah so ah can i take ah pikchur wit yoo?"
"oh ahaha no i’m not a model you don’t want a picture with me."
He kept insisting but i said no b/c im pretty sure he would have sold my face to a third rate diaper fetish site where my head would have been shooped onto some something or other.
twas nice for the ole self esteem though. i was cheesing a little.
I’m okay. Everyone’s dry but I’m okay. I hate using facebook. I need it for work and I need it to keep in contact with certain people, but I hate everything I read of there. Everyone’s complaining about how much they suck and are indirectly BEGGING for pity from everyone else, or they’re all posting 923478 pictures of their friday night in which everyone is just sitting on a couch or blah blah blah blah blah. I judge a lot. And I would much rather hate people than like them. but I’m okay. I really want classes to start again. im excited for this semester, as I am every semester
I got free movie tickets courtesy of dem peeps filming. we’ve had like 489071 movies film in my building over the past ten years and none of them have done that for the line of apartments they inconvenience, mine always being one of them. such gentlemen they are, go see Orange is the New Black. dat crew my new homiez