me puse es tan verde

Titanic in 3D was great.  Obviously the effects were none like Avatar, but it still gave new life to the movie.  And finally seeing it again all the way through reaffirmed how much of a great fucking movie titanic is, particularly for a block buster with such broad appeal. (I’ve just always loved how it has so many things going on at once.  It’s not just a romance or just disaster porn.  It looks at people, real and multi-layered people and how they death with survival and how they try to satisfy the needs they  hold most important, and no one person is completely villanized [except for maybe Cal’s right hand man guy, but I’m sure he can be rationalized as someone who cares for Cal, or is being payed really well, or is just really blinded by class and its supposed importance]  It’s a period piece, the soundtrack is incredible.  Really, the only parts I hate about it are scenes in which the guy who was looking for the diamond actually speaks, he just annoyed me, aaaaaaaaaand that it.)

I saw it with (I guess i can call him James, that’s kind of his name) James, he liked it because he’s a little bitch at heart; I know.  And he got to see me cry so that was a treat.  the movie ended at like three in the morning and we ended up walking from 68th to 116th; good walk yo.

And I also got something else out of it this time around.   Though it was lovely how Jack was trying to “free” Rose, it still showed that she needed a man to save her.  The entire movie he was telling her what to do.  I guess the never let go part is about her letting go of male influence and trying to be herself on her own without guidance.  I don’t really know where I’m going with that, but basically it left me less attractedto jack and waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more attracted to Cal…

Seriously, I felt bad for Cal this time around.  I think I he actually did love her (he spent the entire movie going after her) but couldn’t express it tenderly because he was raised as an asshole.  It’s not like obsession and love are mutually exclusive, one can just be a symptom of the other.  I really wanted them to end up together; he’s just so handsome and rich and…ugh.  I shouldn’t like him but I did, I really did.  

Anywhooz, I clearly love Titanic.  Like love Titanic.  Like really really love Titanic

Outfit for tonight.  I haven’t worn so many dark colors in a loooooong time
And you all will never know how long it took me to take a fucking picture.

Aaaaaand messy room dont currr

today is day three with no facebook.  What’s odd is I haven’t really changed how I go about my days (wut) but I feel lighter and happier.  I don’t know if it was the deactivating fb thing or the seeing an oprah lifeclass on monday or waaaaaat but I just feel much better now than I did before sunday.  

I’m still broke though.  

today I was walking diggy and this guy told me I look like the girl from the electric company.  I told him i’ve only seen it once and i was blazed so I wouldn’t remember her anyway.  I said no to what was asked later; maybe I could’ve made two new friends, i don’t know.  

I’m not even high and my writing is atrocious.  

edit: this is the girl.  omg daz me yall

and today at work these english guys came in acting all british ‘n shit, and I was helping one of them get a pair of shorts for his girlfriend whose probably twiggy and horsetoothed (aka tall and rosy).  So I realized in the middle of it all that I had started sweating a bit and I couldn’t think straight and I just felt thrown off and overwhelmed…because he as hot*.  

So now i get mini panic attacks when I talk to guys**.  oh fuck me 

*well he was english so he wasn’t exactly “hot”, or evenattractive.  He was just a white guy with an accent; that’s all it takes to get me really.  

**I think it was also because I don’t know size conversions btw the uk and ‘merica so I  couldn’t really say anything helpful and I felt like a fucking idiot in an ugly boxy polo talking to this guy who would never go for me me and i felt rejected and alone and scared and it just fucking sucked.  ah;g

I guess it’s because I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore.  I can’t see my old therapist anymore because she’s not under my new insurance, and the ones at my school fucking suck.  I don’t want to start over with a new person anyway.  The only thing I can really complain about is how I have no friends.  I kind of do, but not really.  They’re just people who remember me sometimes.  

i came

why are hairy vaginas considered shock and gore?  As someone who doesn’t ep-eehul-lay-tifiiy myself all the time I find that insulting.  

I finally decided i’m registering green; yay I chose a party! clap for me

there’s this guy who I pretty much only still talk to because he gives me the attention I sometimes need (for the past year and a half he’s been thinking because I text him one word replies in response to just questions that I’m “into him” or that he “has a chance”.  He’s been mega-friendzoned,  though the “friend” part is a mighty big stretch).  So today he texted me after two months and asked me out to lunch…again.  When I said I was going to be studying (again)  he said I owe him.  I said “No, I don’t owe you anything” and then he brought this up…

some day, this past summer or spring or whenever, I said I wanted to meet up.  He came out to campus but something suddenly came up and I couldn’t go, but my phone was dead (as in my phone imploded, not the battery died) so I messaged him via fb but I never texted him to cancel thus I pretty much stood him up. It turns out this was on his birthday. AND I think he had plans. 

But when he brought it up he just said “Remember from my birthday we were gonna have lunch/But forget it”.  come on. If some slut did that shit to me I’d date rape her to tuesday (wat) but whatever.  He still texts me, and in his flaccid beta mind he still thinks I’ll suck his dick one day.   Sometimes I feel bad about what I’m doing, but I’m dumb about guys all of the fucking time so…there.  

And it’s not like I think he’ll be a loser for the rest of his life.  I’m sure he’ll grow up to be successful and wealthy with dried up slags like me begging to sniff his used condoms, but how can I not fuck with him?  It’s too easy.  I don’t even have to say more than three words at a time to him.  

this is gonna bite me in the ass so hard.  



So in tenth grade I was really into fanfic [what I was into depended on what I was watching or playing at the time; joker, scarecrow (batman begins?), l4d, inglorious basterds (there’s some good shit out thurr), titanic, cod, scarface and maaaaaany more].  I love The Warriors, it’s one of my favorite movies because I think it was my first real introduction to men and how I like ‘em (first saw it when I was seven or eight) and so when I was on this fanfic rampage I would always look for warriros fanfic.  on they have warriors fanfic but it’s for some bullshit about native americans or whatever.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to say.  I’m not high.  


Their world:

My world:

(via fuckyouneopia)

Today this guy came up to me after chem and was like “ayo you wuz in dat play rite” (that’s not how he said it at all, I’m just being racist), and he said some stuff after that and then was like “yeah I think I’ll sit next to you in in class.”

So here’s the thing.  The way he went about his entire approach was really good, like I would be super down to let him record me blowing him in the back of the hall during lecture while humming the national anthem…but…he’s not exactly…my…type?

Look, I’m not racist or anything but I’m not physically attracted to black guys, I’m just not.  I’ve pretty much always been this way. Black people are whatever, but I don’t like black guys.  I mean, I’m puerto rican, and there are guys out there who don’t like hispanic girls, and that’s fine.  This wouldn’t be so much of an issue if black  guys weren’t the only fuckers who ever hit on me…ever.  

It’s a hard existence, I know.