today is day three with no facebook. What’s odd is I haven’t really changed how I go about my days (wut) but I feel lighter and happier. I don’t know if it was the deactivating fb thing or the seeing an oprah lifeclass on monday or waaaaaat but I just feel much better now than I did before sunday.
I’m still broke though.
today I was walking diggy and this guy told me I look like the girl from the electric company. I told him i’ve only seen it once and i was blazed so I wouldn’t remember her anyway. I said no to what was asked later; maybe I could’ve made two new friends, i don’t know.
I’m not even high and my writing is atrocious.
edit: this is the girl. omg daz me yall
and today at work these english guys came in acting all british ‘n shit, and I was helping one of them get a pair of shorts for his girlfriend whose probably twiggy and horsetoothed (aka tall and rosy). So I realized in the middle of it all that I had started sweating a bit and I couldn’t think straight and I just felt thrown off and overwhelmed…because he as hot*.
So now i get mini panic attacks when I talk to guys**. oh fuck me
*well he was english so he wasn’t exactly “hot”, or evenattractive. He was just a white guy with an accent; that’s all it takes to get me really.
**I think it was also because I don’t know size conversions btw the uk and ‘merica so I couldn’t really say anything helpful and I felt like a fucking idiot in an ugly boxy polo talking to this guy who would never go for me me and i felt rejected and alone and scared and it just fucking sucked. ah;g
I guess it’s because I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore. I can’t see my old therapist anymore because she’s not under my new insurance, and the ones at my school fucking suck. I don’t want to start over with a new person anyway. The only thing I can really complain about is how I have no friends. I kind of do, but not really. They’re just people who remember me sometimes.
why are hairy vaginas considered shock and gore? As someone who doesn’t ep-eehul-lay-tifiiy myself all the time I find that insulting.
I finally decided i’m registering green; yay I chose a party! clap for me
there’s this guy who I pretty much only still talk to because he gives me the attention I sometimes need (for the past year and a half he’s been thinking because I text him one word replies in response to just questions that I’m “into him” or that he “has a chance”. He’s been mega-friendzoned, though the “friend” part is a mighty big stretch). So today he texted me after two months and asked me out to lunch…again. When I said I was going to be studying (again) he said I owe him. I said “No, I don’t owe you anything” and then he brought this up…
some day, this past summer or spring or whenever, I said I wanted to meet up. He came out to campus but something suddenly came up and I couldn’t go, but my phone was dead (as in my phone imploded, not the battery died) so I messaged him via fb but I never texted him to cancel thus I pretty much stood him up. It turns out this was on his birthday. AND I think he had plans.
But when he brought it up he just said “Remember from my birthday we were gonna have lunch/But forget it”. come on. If some slut did that shit to me I’d date rape her to tuesday (wat) but whatever. He still texts me, and in his flaccid beta mind he still thinks I’ll suck his dick one day. Sometimes I feel bad about what I’m doing, but I’m dumb about guys all of the fucking time so…there.
And it’s not like I think he’ll be a loser for the rest of his life. I’m sure he’ll grow up to be successful and wealthy with dried up slags like me begging to sniff his used condoms, but how can I not fuck with him? It’s too easy. I don’t even have to say more than three words at a time to him.
this is gonna bite me in the ass so hard.
TODAY MY NEW MONITOR CAME IN AND IT’S BEAUTIFUL. SNOW BOUND SHERRI HAS NEVER LOOKED BETTER
MYYYY DAD ROX UR DAD SUX
So in tenth grade I was really into fanfic [what I was into depended on what I was watching or playing at the time; joker, scarecrow (batman begins?), l4d, inglorious basterds (there’s some good shit out thurr), titanic, cod, scarface and maaaaaany more]. I love The Warriors, it’s one of my favorite movies because I think it was my first real introduction to men and how I like ‘em (first saw it when I was seven or eight) and so when I was on this fanfic rampage I would always look for warriros fanfic. on fanfic.net they have warriors fanfic but it’s for some bullshit about native americans or whatever.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I’m not high.
Today this guy came up to me after chem and was like “ayo you wuz in dat play rite” (that’s not how he said it at all, I’m just being racist), and he said some stuff after that and then was like “yeah I think I’ll sit next to you in in class.”
So here’s the thing. The way he went about his entire approach was really good, like I would be super down to let him record me blowing him in the back of the hall during lecture while humming the national anthem…but…he’s not exactly…my…type?
Look, I’m not racist or anything but I’m not physically attracted to black guys, I’m just not. I’ve pretty much always been this way. Black people are whatever, but I don’t like black guys. I mean, I’m puerto rican, and there are guys out there who don’t like hispanic girls, and that’s fine. This wouldn’t be so much of an issue if black guys weren’t the only fuckers who ever hit on me…ever.
It’s a hard existence, I know.
I woke up this morning having NO idea what day it was. For about four whole seconds I had to really think about what color yesterday was in order to dertermine what today would be. It’s thursday.
On a kinda related note, I have no more bud. I’m down to vapable powder and a small box of vaped bud, but that burns so fast. This is good though because I really need to clear my head. I don’t really remember most of winter, that’s probably a sign I should stop for a bit. I’ll wait until the end of this month at least. Well…I’ll wait until then to buy more, for now I guess I’ll beez a bum.
I really do feel like I’m coming out of this haze, no pun intended. Though that would’ve been a weak pun anyway.