maybe you did dodge a bullet. Maybe they all did. haha nope, nobody dodged anything. I just take myself out of the equation entirely because my self esteem is so low that i save guys from myself by being a sloot and getting what we both want over with before anything seemingly good for either of us (but mostly me) can hapen. sober thoughts are so harsh and dry. i have things to do
I’m starting to feel paranoid again, like I did in high school. I swear my face is getting fatter, but I weighed in at 102 pounds today. This girl I was in a play with saw me today and I tried making eye contact with her and I know she saw me I know she fucking saw me and she made no gesture. The only counter I have to why it’s ridiculous that anyone dislikes me is that nobody thinks anything of me anyway, let alone feelings of disfavor. That’s a lot of dis’s. I’m breaking out a little on my chin, hopefully I just need to start drinking water again. I think this girl thinks I’m creepy and she told her friends and now fuck. But on the other hand nobody even knows who I am, so all of this is moot. moot. moot. moot. moot. moot. mooooooooooot.
there’s this kid i was in a gen ed english class with my freshman year, and since I see him at least twice a week every semester. He’s either walking ahead of me, sitting on a couch nearby, leaning against some random wall, or as he is right now, talking to a girl in the library sitting right across the table from me. That’s the other weird part, he’s rarely ever alone. He’s always talking to SOMEONE. I have no friends and this guy is a constant reminder of that. I was also really weirded out by him in that class for no good reason, I was just an asshole and told myself he was weird, which he is, but maybe not as weird as I decided. This is such a strange time in my life.